'The Non Apologetic Letter'

Dedicated to all the young girls, who feel pressured by the rules and expectations of society; to make it through in the world we live in.

I would like to NOT apologize:

For being in my 20s and enjoy every bittersweet moment in my life, where I have learned to let go and enjoy being no one, but myself.
For learning from every mistake and outgrow to become a better person.

I will not apologize for not living by the standards of society and NOT care about what you or others think about myself. 

I will live for my life and no one else's.

I will not apologize for standing up for my rights, my voice, my career, for stepping up the ladder for no one but myself.

I will not apologize for NOT depending on a man and providing myself my own education, housing, luxury and leisure.

I will not feel ashamed of being single and enjoying my single-hood while society expects me to be married with my first child. 

*I will not apologize for not settling in for the convenient, but rather strive for the beyond compare.

I will not apologize for embracing my sexuality and openly talk about it while braking the sexual taboo.

I will not apologize for my standards of sexuality, relationships and marriage.

I will not apologize for embracing my natural body and not modifying it according to anyone's idea of beauty. I will be no one but myself.

I will not apologize for expressing my opinion and putting my thoughts to paper.

I will not apologize for standing up for myself and others who may not raise their voice, afraid of judgement.

I will not apologize for anything worthy of myself; for building myself up as a woman and EMBRACE every essence of my nature.

I will not be distracted by comparison, but instead be captivated with purpose; LIVE for my calling in life. I will BE who I strive to become.

'Attraversiamo'

An Italian term entitled for 'let's cross over' taking a step forward, leaving the past behind.

As cliche as it may sound, I believe there are certain people in life that come across your path for a reason. I like to call them 'passengers' those whom I've had the opportunity to come across; who have taught me to enjoy 'la dolce far niente' the sweetness of doing nothing, but to listen to the sweet melody of life.

I believe in the bittersweet taste of happiness as collective fragments of 'memorable moments in time' all that together making a whole on itself. Those fragments in time, that I've had the opportunity to share with a significant others, those moments which I look back at and I have no absolute regrets. 

Those moments that awaken my hunger for life. 

Those memories that take me back and give birth to dreams that take me forward.

In life I've learned to live and let go, regardless of the circumstances there is no point on trying to awaken what is already left behind. You can spend your present remenicing in the past and then rest-assured you will miss out on present opportunities.

Open your eyes to what is in front of you 'cross over' fearless, curious and hungry for more.

Learn to live for yourself, at the end it is your life you are living for, as selfish as it may sound.

Learn to flavor life with a different palate, change your perspectives, live out of the ordinary.

In the end life may be difficult at times, or simply not easy but nothing is impossible; when the word itself says 'IM possible'.

'Somebody That I Used to Know'

When every lyric of every song speaks about you, when every step I take reminds me of you, in the end all I know: is I am bruised but not broken, cause I am no longer part of you. 

Thank you for showing me how much you cared, for demonstrating how vain and selfish you where. I hope you find a happier satisfied loneliness, cause non of this was worth in despair.

When you painted the world with pink and rainbows and I beloved every word you said; you brought me back to reality.

Thank you I'm no longer naive and a believer of contempt happiness.

When I love you was just a word you said.

I hear no longer words in vain.

Maybe I was foolish, maybe I was blind but in the end it's you who is left behind.

The one to loose, the unknown but yet so familiar you.

In a parallel universe our worlds collide and it makes me wonder where were you all this time?  Infatuated or two fools in time? A stranger in disguise.

A short tale, a love story untold.

The wonders of our worlds once together, maybe not in the right moment but in the perfect time of a story now left behind.

'The LableLESS Status'

After multiple cocktails, coffee breaks and conversations with friends about dating on the digital era of today; I have come to the conclusion, that not only are spoiled by choice, but also we have become so picky and selfish, to want not only one but the whole buffet on our silver plater. 

I once was told 'I believe in love, loyalty and engagement...but I don't believe in labels' and I have never been more puzzled by such a statement. In a screwed up generation where we no longer have the basics of dating, due to swiping left or right; both men and women have become terrified of compromise. 

Women struggle by the day to stick to their standards of who they are, what they want and what they are looking for in a significant other. The transitioning 20 year old within us, struggles to move forward as we face 'teenage/men' experiences of guys trying to figure themselves out.

We all live in a constantly transitioning life, where we need to figure our paths as adults, until we get to that point of stating 'I have got my shit together' and at the end isn't that what life is all about?

I must state, it is unfortunate in a concrete jungle like to Dubai, a place of endless possibilities, countless opportunities and a whole new world to figure out; dating, finding love or a significant other is such a struggle due to the multiple options of choice.

Sex has become not only a matter to conquer, but an expected outcome after the first date. 

Have we really come to this point?

A friend of mine once told me, we are like cave men, the animal within us will always hunt for the final outcome, regardless of how much it takes us to get there. 

So in the end is it really just a game of thrones? who has the upper hand, who is down below?

I believe regardless of the physical hunger, one must stick to who we are, what we think, where we stand and that +1 must either embrace, reciprocate or let go.

Meeting each other half way is a mutual statement of compromise.

As stated by the words of Elizabeth Gilbert "embrace the glorious mess that you are" cause in the end, YOU are the only one to live your life.

26 Candels a Life

Reminiscing life in the midst of my recently turned 26 years:

I gracefully look back to all the memories and blessings that have taken part on this journey; all the loved ones who have been present very step of the way.
I can't be more grateful for every memory made, for every lesson learned and every fail that picked me up and made me wiser and my skin thicker.

For every time I got lost in the moment with no regrets; for every tear I cried and every shoulder I embraced; for every step of the way that no matter the outcome each and every one of you was present till this day.

For being weird and different and each one of you who still loved me for it.
For every time I fell and you where there to pick me up with your loving words and embrace.
For every advice, every laugh, every cry all this fragments of memorable times we shared, I will always keep them dearly.

Words are not enough to describe every single moment we have shared, but one thing is for sure, this is only the beginning of something new, there so much more to live and see, so many more moments to reminiscence upon.

Thank you for taking part on making me the woman I am today.
Thank you for accepting and embracing who I am and encouraging me to continue to outgrow as a unique individual.
Thank you because without you, there would be no inspiration to my writing, based on every experience and every story we've shared.
Thank you to every men I loved and every love I've lost, you have enlighten me endless possibilities to a brighter future.

To each and every single one of you, my life would not be the same without you.
I love you with all my dearest heart, xoxo

Maria

'When you Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man'

Like Marilyn Monroe once said 'women who seek to be equal with men, lack ambition'.
Living on the 21st century in a modern world or equality, opportunity and even higher success for women compared to men, we still face the so called 'Gender Inequality'.
From cultures around the world to 1 or 2 generations behind, we still look at women as inferior to men; and when I am referring to this is not only career wise, also intellectual and even sexuality.

In a country like the UAE, where dating is as frequent as your morning cup of tea, I have seen and experience myself, going on a date is as easy as just a swipe right on Tinder or Happn. 
And I am sure most of you reading this, can relate to that, am I right?

When it comes to dating on this virtual world of technology, easy access and instant communication, both men and women have the same opportunity to find that significant other in just a swipe of a finger. But it is the first approach that justifies your intentions and most of the times mixed signals can be miss-read, either for fear of compromise or putting up your shield to avoid getting hurt.

But who am I to judge, we have all been there and done that, from the ladies wearing the pants, to the men taking them off, LOL.
I can't help but wonder, where do we draw the line? Do we all get to a point of being terrified of compromise, because we have still not tried it all? What more is out there? Would we miss out if we get hitched or perhaps miss out if we don't? What if that significant other turns out to be someone else? We all show our true colors eventually and our past defines our present and future.

After asking myself all this questions, it all came to one conclusion: 
We are who we accept others to be, therefore we change according to other's expectations. But there are those who stand out, who grow a back bone and stand up for who they are, regardless of other's opinion. And those who do so, are able to understand and put themselves in someone else's shoes.

Which has lead me, to becoming an independent woman with a voice, a clear opinion and high awareness of my self-worth. I have learned throughout my 6 years in Dubai, who to grow a pair of my own and 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man'.
And I have to  thank every ex-boyfriend, ex-hookup, best friends and friend of friends, every experience, every conversation and every lesson learned, has lead me to this one moment of 'Nirvana'.

Thank you, this one is dedicated to all of you, for being part of my wandering 'Odyssey': "A long wandering voyage marked by my many changes of fortune".

'This is a Man's World'

In the words of James Brown:
"This is a man's world, but it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl"

After long conversations over coffee, wine and cocktails I can't help but wonder why do we seem to be and feel so lost in a world where we coexist but collide at the same time?

Both men and woman are as puzzle and as lost about what we want out of relationships.
So I bring to the table the question: If in the 21st century, this may be considered a man's world why can't men wear the dresses when woman can wear the pants?
Like it or not, it will never be of who over takes and has the upper hand, at the end of the day it is about meeting each other half way and that ladies and gentleman, is the question to mingle upon.

I constantly face close friends and friends of friends, wonder upon why he says this, when I do that? or why she acts like this, when I thought she wanted that? 
In ONE word EGO.
In a world where overpowering each other over work, intellectual, love, wisdom we have come to a point of misunderstanding, where instead of appreciating each other's differences and mysteries; people tend to close up and defend in battle, instead of opening up to the unknown and exploring each other in all sense of that matter. 

I believe we are and we come as diverse individuals and there is a reason not a single one of us is or will ever be the same. Therefore, embracing our differences, complementing what we have and we can't have, will always make us as one, as a whole on itself.
Relationships are for learning, growing and getting to know that significant other with the end of growing together as one. 

People tend to believe in the intensity of being and living for who they are; as others hide in the shadows afraid to be hurt, to show their true colors, for rejection, for self acceptance and sadly and most important for 'social prejudice'.
Therefore I go back once again, to the authenticity of one's self worth.

'A woman/men who is unapolagetically 'themselves', is a woman/man comfortable in their perfect imperfection, born in their OWN skin'.

BE yourself, BE authentic, FUCK prejudice at the end this IS a man's and woman's world.

'The Ageless Maturity'

They say never kiss and tell. I say put it on paper! Therefore I write as I recall. 

As someone wise once said, age is no garantee of maturity, and as so many assume and so little do they know, 'those who reach a state of self-fufillment are those who live a rejoice in change'. 

In a world of endless possibilities never had I thought I would become one who would dare to date men up to 10 years older. An unexpected experience once knocked at my door and that like many others has self-taught me to embrace who I am; without pretending to be or become someone 'socially acceptable' or up to someone else's expectations.

Because 'Hey! They say our youth will fade away, we're young and wild if only for today!'

Therefore I said to myself c'est la vie, you only live once might as well make it worth it. 

And like a kid on the water, I jumped straight in no doubts, no regrets, no taking back steps. 

From the moment we met to the point that we set, we enjoyed every experience like there was no tomorrow. Carelessly we accepted each others differences and laughed at our similarities as we walked step by step. 

Like a roller coaster ride we had our ups and downs but one thing was sure, I remained to my true self. Regardless of who I am or where I come from or what I believe and stand for; appreciation, the essence of who I am as a person was kept as a depiction of myself; and that ladies and gentleman, should be the base of all relationships. Keeping to one's self authenticity and truth. 

But when that's not the case, thats when you know it's time to leave and fade away.

Someone once told me, 'men are like canvas, so white and clean like a brand new slate, that once a brush caresses its surface they slowly show their true colors.' 

Ever so frequently have I heard from friends and foes and even experienced myself in vain, the so called 'ghosting away', and I can't help but wonder, have we really gone this way?

Do we no longer deserve a verbalized explanation as to why the lack of interest and promises in vain? Sudden change or unpredictable mood swings? 

Relationships this days have for ever changed. Both the male and female roles in a relationship, disregarding equality has made men to no longer wear the pants, but 'pantie hoes' instead; that hold their egos so high up to cloud 9.

Both men and women have gotta turn it down a little and put both feet back on the ground. 

We are trying to live in a world beyond expectations. Where what we expect from that significant other is so Hollywood we would not even achieve it ourselves, so why put this pressure we can't even abstain?

Therefore I say 'change may be inevitable, but growth is optional'.
Embrace the beauty of change and grow as you choose to be who you want to become.

'In a Parallel Universe'

A few parallel universes over, I realize it is not a dream; I'm only afraid that I will miss things in life.

As time is ageless I wish life was like a painting, a dry permanent timeless painting. Where you can stop and live in in the now, without anxiously wondering what will be, in the next 5 minutes from now.
Its 12 o'clock in the early morning the thought of you crosses my mind like a comet, a split of a second a fragment of a memory its you, thats what you are when I think of you. A memory a lapses in time of memories to rewind.
Confused by the memories of others, you seem always blurry behind, behind every wall, every closed door, every failed relationship. Like my back up bone, you are always behind and it makes me wonder if its me who is blind?
You once said so clearly we can only be friends if either you never loved at all or you never stop loving. I go back in time and I get lost in that moment, it makes me wonder if Im also holding on, when I am trying to move on. You are my past and present and is so difficult to picture a future.
The past blinds as memories disguise.
I never thought love was real and now I think life is not real without it.
Sometimes is just about knowingly knowing the ending; as every beginning and middle, there is always an end.
Don't call it cynicism I am just a realist; realism keeps me away from love skepticism, as I believe faith in love will never be hopeless in vain.

'Caught Up In a Dream

I don't know what it is, who you are or what you do to me, but is that venom within you that intoxicates me, leaves me breathless, mouth mute and heart wide open.

After almost one year I can seem to shake the thought of you, every time you are back I fall right back into those empty arms of lust.

You wake up the demons inside of me, while I get lost into a sweet familiar serendipity.

Our vulnerable hearts lead us to an intense love embrace, but the cynicism within you breaks the odds, the possibilities, and me I just want more; part of me wants to change you, part of me wants to make you mine, but my hands are tied and my words I swallow in sorrow silence inside.

Is the things you do, the words you say, why is it so hard to let go of what you cant change?

Like the forbidden fruit of Eden your venomous bitter taste; burns like fire under the rain, penetrating deep inside like a bullet to the heart. 

You are like no sunshine when you are gone.

Expectations are inevitable to disguise.

I am caught up in a dream.

An endless dream without you in vain.